just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
