I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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