Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
