he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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