sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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