i think i have herpe
just one?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He felt like a one man threesome
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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