2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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