u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
