I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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