don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
