official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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