There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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