i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
