I wish life had little blips of pornography
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
