whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
