For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
