fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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