home. puking in laundry basket.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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