I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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