I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
