If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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