I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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