how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
