There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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