Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
