Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
