And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
