i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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