none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
