I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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