The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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