she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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