i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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