Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
