i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
