Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
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