Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
