my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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