Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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