Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
time to smoke my breakfast
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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