How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
