if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
