we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
