I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
