I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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