i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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