im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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