He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
