I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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