Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
