Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
