i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
