I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
