I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
