Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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