I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I party with great urgency now.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
