You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
