three words: i give head
three words: not that well
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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