Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
