Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
