Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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