worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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