No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
