Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
