God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Houston, we have a blender
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
