Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
