Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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