i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
