So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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