So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
