Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
